Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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