he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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