I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize