Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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