The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
