Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
