I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
