Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
