I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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