On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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