so explain again why im purple
no
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
