in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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