I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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