why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
