she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
