Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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