just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
