We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
