Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
