I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
