Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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