I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
