Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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