just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize