dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
