if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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