Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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