Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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