when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
