I wish I only lived at night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
