belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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