I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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