I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
