his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made out with two different species that night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
