So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
