Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
