just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
