His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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