I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
