I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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