This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
