he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
