Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
