it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
