and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And the cops told us we were all naked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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