just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
