He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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