Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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