i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
