Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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