We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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