I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize