and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
