i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
