yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
