I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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