If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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