I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
