this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
