are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
