take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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