I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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