people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
