Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
