I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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