I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
