You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
