I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
