Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
