That's when you crack a 10am beer
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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