he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
