Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
