We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
