conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
