i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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