I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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