Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize