Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will be naked everywhere
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dicks are not precious.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
