I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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