I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
false alarm, still single
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
