Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If that was your dad, he is hot
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had sex on a roof
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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