STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
