if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
