I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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