it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
