Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize