You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
