I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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