Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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