She is in my trunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
