going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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