I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
