Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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