There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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