Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
