If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How naked do you want me to be?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
