i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize