3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
