Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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