she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
