Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
