the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
