Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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