Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
