Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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