I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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