I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
