I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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