I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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