they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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