Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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