So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
