After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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