dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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